Society is made up of warring factions and so a university is made up of warring personalities. This idea comforts me when I feel like I don't fit in anywhere in Utah. For exactly 3 years now I have attended B.Y.U. and I still seem to be a freak. A "lone wolf" as Michael called it, the person "most likely to have magical powers" as the boys on the Rome study abroad called it, but, essentially, a freak. Don't get me started on the dead silence that followed my contribution to last Sunday's "good news minute" in Relief Society: I discovered the O.E.D. online and it's made my life so happy!  

I know it's more important to seek to understand than to be understood. And, oh my gosh, I understand how good everyone else is. And apostles have said that God's children have far more in common than they have differences. Understandings like these lead me to the conclusion that I am an arrogant, self-isolationist sinner. And maybe that's hitting the nail on the head. But, honest, I've tried to be good, and have charity, and serve, and "fit in." 

Someone very kind was once nice enough to say that if I ever started a blog, they thought it would be super inspirational. I knew I would never be able to live up to that, and, so far, this blog has been pretty melancholy.  But, honesty is always, at least, useful. And I don't think this "not fitting in" is a dead-end. I know there's hope and I know there's a solution. And, I've decided that maybe writing it down and looking it in the face is a step in the right direction. Anyway, things are always, always better after reading the scriptures and indefatigably trying to get outside myself and serve. I say "indefatigably trying" because I slip at that a lot, and it takes a relentless perseverance to pull myself back on track. Thank goodness for friends though! As George Eliot said, "What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"